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I sighed... I hated paperwork. Ever since I retuned from the Outer World, Daddy has started giving me more and more of the day-to-day running of the kingdom. When I was a little girl, I always pretended I was queen. Somehow, that game involved more life-or-death decision-making and affairs of state than reading five advisors' opinions on a simple matter that should take up five minutes of my time.
I was bored. I leaned back in my chair, putting my feet up on my desk. Unfortunately, my foot hit the ink pot I had been using, sending it (and the ink) flying onto the floor.
"Oh!" I tried to get out of my chair to clean up the ink before it stained the floor too badly. However, I forgot I was still leaning back in my chair. I lost my balance, and fell out of the chair, landing face down on the floor, the chair on top of me. "I think this is turning out to be a very bad day," I sniffed.
A shadow fell over me. "Need any help?" I recognized that voice. I hadn't been expecting it. I looked up, into a familiar pair of slate-colored eyes.
"Zelgadis-san?" I managed to stand up. He hadn't changed much -- same utilitarian beige traveling clothing, same unruly hair. I noted I was closer to being able to look him directly in the eye -- I had grown. It should go without saying he hadn't found his cure yet. "What are you doing here?"
"Prince Phil said you were working and he told me where. I decided to surprise you."
"No, I meant what are you doing in Sailoon. Why did you come back?" I'd always imagined him returning, realizing some things were more important than looking human, and sweeping me off of my feet.
"Oh, I was just in the neighborhood and thought it would be nice to stop in to see you... and maybe check the magical libraries again." He added the last part almost off-hand.
I should have known. Zelgadis-san doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. Well, at least he had the consideration to mention me first. "Oh... that's nice. Do you have a room yet? I'm sure Daddy will let you use one of the guest rooms. How long are you staying?"
"I don't have anywhere to stay yet," Zelgadis-san said. "And it's not like I have anywhere I need to be. I'll probably stay a week or two... longer if I find something I need to follow up on."
"That's good to hear. After your trip, you probably want to relax a bit. I can get someone to show you to your room. We can catch up during dinner, Zelgadis-san. I'll be in the castle's library if you need me before then -- I need to look something up in the records." He nodded as I walked out of the door.
The castle library was basically my family's book collection -- pretty impressive if you consider how long my family has been ruling Sailoon. The books in it range from Gracia's and my storybooks from when we were little, to Mother's white magic grimoires, to tomes so old I had to be careful when opening them, lest I break the brittle pages. The books I need were stored near the back. I pulled a few from the shelves and sat down in one of the armchairs to read through 100 year old property laws -- which are, quite frankly, the most boring things ever written. Nevertheless, it was my duty to understand them, so I set to work reading.
I didn't notice Zelgadis-san enter -- he moves so quietly -- but when I looked up because the words were beginning to blur together on the page, there he was, seated in another chair, across the room, reading. I glanced at the title of his book -- it wasn't about history, geography, magic, biology, or something else r elated to his cure. It was a book on music. He seemed to be very absorb ed in it -- when I spoke his name, he didn't look up immediately, and took a moment, when he did, to locate me.
"Yes, Amelia?" he eventually answered.
"You don't have to stay here, Zelgadis-san."
"It's fine. I'm... looking for my cure." He indicated the book, not realizing I could see the title. I didn't comment.
"I've already checked the books in the library here. You'd have better luck in the Sorcerers' Guild in town. They have a pretty complete library on white magic."
Zelgadis-san didn't answer me immediately. Instead, he stood up and walked to the window, pulling aside the drapes. "It's getting late -- they'll be serving dinner soon. Looks like a storm's coming in as well." He turned back to face me. "I'll check out the library tomorrow."
"Well, if you say so."
Just then, a servant stuck his head in. "Princess, Mr. Graywords, His Highness wishes to tell you that dinner is being served now."
Zelgadis-san nodded in my direction. "We don't want it to get cold. Come on, Amelia."
As I followed him and the servant down to dinner, I couldn't help but wonder. Zelgadis-san was acting very strangely. Normally, it seemed like his cure was always on his mind - - even on the occasions when he wasn't actively searching for it. Now, it seemed like he had to remember he was still looking for it. It was almost like his search had become an act. Could it be he had given up, but didn't want to tell me, because I was expecting him to return to me once he did? No... if that were the case, he wouldn't have come back at all.
Dinner w as peaceful, but I still couldn't shake my suspicions. Zelgadis-san told me and Daddy stories about his travels since he and I had parted ways -- nothing really serious or troubling, mostly just descriptions of places where he'd been or amusing travel anecdotes. After the fourth or fifth story, I noticed he was still avoiding the subject of his cure -- in his stories, he didn't talk about any of the leads he had found, or mentioned any dead ends. I finally got up the courage to ask him, "Nee, Zelgadis-san, how's the search for your cure going?"
He blinked. "Oh... yeah.." He waved a hand across his face. "Still a freak."
"I see that. Any leads?"
"Nothing really promising. That's why I came back here. Oh, look. Dessert's here." Zelgadis-san still had his shields up.
After dinner, I returned to my desk. I stared at the paperwork for a while, before shoving it unceremoniously into a desk drawer. I pulled out a clean piece of paper, pen and ink, and Lina-san and Gourry-san's last letter. Lina-san always closed her letters to me with several locations where I could send a reply. People don't always realize what a nice person she is.
Dear Lina-san and Gourry-san,
I trust you are in good health and that the weather is nice where you are. I am well, as is my father.
You will never guess who showed up for a vi sit today. It's Zelgadis-san, fresh from the Outer World. He will be in town for several weeks, and I know you two are in the area, so it would be nice if you could stop in for a day or two, if it's not too far out of your way. It would feel so good to have the old group in the same room again, even if it was just for a meal. I miss you all and our adventures together.
I debated about adding something about Zelgadis-san's odd behavior. Lina-san was his best friend, and, as another man, Gourry-san might have some insight into his mind.
No... I wanted them to see for themselves, without my opinion biasing them. I could be misreading him -- I'm not the best judge of character, I know. I quickly signed and sealed the letter before I changed my mind. I'd give it to a messenger first thing in the morning.
A crack of thunder interrupted me as I put away my supplies, causing me to drop my ink pot for the second time today. Well, Zelgadis-san had been right about the storm. I have a sort of fascination with storms -- I love them... provided I'm in my room, in my bed, watching the rain pound on the windows. Otherwise, they kind of unnerve me. I quickly extinguished the candles in my study and hurried back to my room.
A draft of cold, wet air caused me to stop in my tracks in the hallway. It was coming from one of the guest rooms -- the door was open a crack. Some castles are dank and drafty, but Sailoon Castle has the best in protection-from-elements and insulation spells built into the walls. Curious, I gently pushed the door open farther and peeked inside the darkened room.
I didn't see anything moving inside, so I cautiously crept inside, my eyes adjusting to the gloom. I stopped to examine a few bags, a cloak, and a sword thrown carelessly on the back of a chair. These are Zelgadis-san's This must be his room.
A crack of thunder, accompanying a brilliant flash of lightning, caused me to jump. I stole a quick glance towards the door to the balcony. Someone had left the door open, producing the draft I had felt in the hall. I saw a person sitting on the balcony, lightning glinting off of his wet skin, clothing and hair.
"Zelgadis-san?" I pushed the balcony door open and stepped into the rain. I crouched down to talk to him better. He avoided my gaze. "What are you doing out here? You'll get sick."
"It doesn't matter," The way his said that... the hollow look in his eyes... I knew my suspicions were correct. Something had happened to him while he was traveling.
"Of course it matters!"
"No, it doesn't. It doesn't bother me. I'm a cold, heartless sorcerer swordsman. A little thing like rain doesn't bother me." He said this in a flat voice, like he was beyond caring.
'No matter what you like to think, you are still vulnerable to some things, Zelgadis-san. Underneath that stone skin of yours, you are as human as the rest of us."
"No. I'm not."
"Excuse me?"
"Never forget I am a chimera, Amelia. I'm not human. Not on the outside, certainly. I don't even think I'm human on the inside anymore"
"How can you say such a thing?"
"Because it's true," Zelgadis-san sighed, slumping his shoulders. Before I could answer him, he continued. "It happened a few weeks ago. I was visiting a temple. I had asked them if I could examine a relic they had. They told me to come back in fifty years. I got a little impatient and fireballed the door. I accidentally hit a support beam and injured a shrine maiden. When I saw her lying there, hurt because of my callousness... and the worse part was that, when I saw her, I had to consciously decide to help her. I had to remind myself to do the compassionate thing... the human thing. How long will it be before I forget it completely? When I actually become as monstrous as I look?"
"That isn't going to happen, Zelgadis-san." I put my hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look at me. "I won't let it happen to you."
He practically collapsed against me, resting his head against my shoulder. "Please," I heard him speak so softly, it was nearly lost to the wind and rain, "Amelia, help me."
I felt something hot against the skin of my shoulder. He was crying... I've never seen Zelgadis-san cry before. I wrapped my arms around him. "I won't let you lose your humanity, Zelgadis-san. Not without a fight."
We just sat there, embracing, for a while, ignoring the pounding rain and howling storm. Eventually, I stood up and led him back inside. I opened the wardrobe and tossed him a few towels. "Dry off. You should change your clothing as well." I headed for the door. "Oh, and Zelgadis-san?"
"Yes?"
"Get a good night's sleep. Your sensitivity training starts tomorrow morning."